Legend

We must have the most cleverest translators here in our little country. So clever they can take a simple title like "300" and expand it to "300 Pahlawan Berani Mati" (300 Warriors Braving Death). Like, do they get paid by the number of words they use?

But oh, the movie.

Oh.

Oh.

OH...

Storyline: Pheh. Whatever. Nobody who'd want to watch it for the story would... actually, nobody would want to watch it for the story.

This movie is all about visual experience. And what a feast for the eyes it is indeed. Wanna know what a painting coming to life would look like? Watch this movie.

Practically every frame of almost every scene is just beautiful. The sunlight, the wheat, the mountains, the water, the sand, the cloths, the metals, the blood (every drop of it and I really do mean every drop)... everything is just rendered with such artistry you know that none of it can be real. Especially with the teeth - how anyone in that era could have such pearly white teeth (even though they smudged in black stuff in between the teeth) is beyond me.

Probably the only thing that looked ugly was the scene in which good king Leonidas climbed the mountain up to the Oracle. I mean those boulders and mountainside looked like they came out of a cheap stage production.

And of course, the battle scenes were lovely. Balletic, you could say. And very Matrix-like with the speed-up/slow-down sequencing. And like the kung-fu movies of yore (and today, come think of it), one man is enough to take down a hundred. Even a rhino and couple of dumb elephants get thrown in for a bonus.

I haven't said anything about the men. But, is there really anything I need to say about the men? Anyone who's heard of the movie would already know what to expect - no bare flesh ever gets exposed.

Unless it's got a six-pack ab that's hard enough to scrub elephant skin on.