Matching Maids
Aunties. Is there some auntie gene or something that makes them totally pantang (taboo) when it comes to seeing an eligible young man (or worse, an eligible not-so-young man)? Some sort of primal matchmaking instinct that inevitably kicks in, compelling them to spread the news out into their formidable network of aunties in search of a suitable mate for the poor fellow?
Honestly, when I had gone through an entire wedding banquet without That Question (or That Other Question) popping up, I thought I finally would not have to deal with it. For life. Ah, such wishful thinking. A guy my age really should know better.
But how was I to even expect being accosted by a well-meaning neighbour about an hour before my own aunt's funeral procession, and be told that she knows someone who knows this other someone who has a pretty daughter about my age who is still single and very available and wouldn't I like to have her number so I can ask her out one fine day?
At which point another auntie (a cousin of my mom's) pulled me aside and gave me this beautiful piece of advice:
"Just go out with her and get to know her. Who knows, maybe you'll hit it off with her. They say she looks mixed. You look mixed, she looks mixed, wouldn't it be nice if the two of you got together and made pretty babies?"
Like... what?
I politely laughed (as politely as any dismissive laugh could be) and didn't take the number offered.
Now I'm thinking maybe I should have accepted that number after all. Meet up with this "exotic" looking lady, have dinner, share a laugh over what the aunties said, then slip her the fact that I'm gay. It'd be fun.
And who knows, I may then actually have my own fag hag. A different kind of match than the aunties would have hoped for, but a match, nevertheless :-P
Honestly, when I had gone through an entire wedding banquet without That Question (or That Other Question) popping up, I thought I finally would not have to deal with it. For life. Ah, such wishful thinking. A guy my age really should know better.
But how was I to even expect being accosted by a well-meaning neighbour about an hour before my own aunt's funeral procession, and be told that she knows someone who knows this other someone who has a pretty daughter about my age who is still single and very available and wouldn't I like to have her number so I can ask her out one fine day?
At which point another auntie (a cousin of my mom's) pulled me aside and gave me this beautiful piece of advice:
"Just go out with her and get to know her. Who knows, maybe you'll hit it off with her. They say she looks mixed. You look mixed, she looks mixed, wouldn't it be nice if the two of you got together and made pretty babies?"
Like... what?
I politely laughed (as politely as any dismissive laugh could be) and didn't take the number offered.
Now I'm thinking maybe I should have accepted that number after all. Meet up with this "exotic" looking lady, have dinner, share a laugh over what the aunties said, then slip her the fact that I'm gay. It'd be fun.
And who knows, I may then actually have my own fag hag. A different kind of match than the aunties would have hoped for, but a match, nevertheless :-P
16 Comments:
Alamak, you didn't take the number. No chance to try and get it? I would so love to see what happens when you go out with her, let slip that you're gay and then catch her reaction.
Dying to see if she'll go running to mama with the news, or join your side as a fag hag. ROFL! =P
"Mixed? MIXED?! Unless she's Daniel Craig mixed with Hugh Jackman, I don't fucking want know, AUNTIE!"
matchmaking before a funeral?!?
This auntie is really the epitome of Mak Heboh Kepoh
Hey, she could have a sexy mixed brother who's a combo of Daniel Craig / Hugh Jackman.
Hey, look on the bright side, if you look like a mix of Freddy Kruger and the hunchback of Notre Dame, no one would bother to be 'Mak Heboh Kepoh' la. So maybe the Aunties do know their stuff.... unless of course, your match-to-be is a mix of Cinderella's Ugly Stepsisters AND Scooby Doo.
On the side, thanks WS and to everyone for the Melbourne tips and information. If there's anything anyone needs from Melbourne.... aside from gay magazines......and porno stuff.....
Thanks, genieqt
it just shows that you are cute n adorable ma..if not that auntie will not be as KEPOH as one should be ;)
give it a try lor..who knows u indeed will end up making cute babies..haha..well, just couldnt resist myself in teasing u.
HAHAHAHA she probably had the same senario and is dying to ask you out... only to tell you she's a lesbian... HAHAHAHAHA
that would be such a perfect match... kekekekeke
*Alarm Bells* *Alarm Bells*
hahaha!!!! u look mixed she looked mixed!! and make pretty babies!!!
:)
but seriously, u're plan bout making a fag hag out of her sounded possible... maybe ought to try it out next time?
Xavier
hate the aunties who always tryda hook u with someone...as if they cant embarrass us enough...
A friend of mine tried to set me up with his sister. After I told him why that wasn't going to work, he said, "but I've heard that people can change". "Indeed", said I, "I've heard of many straight men who've been converted".
actually, sounds like fun. nothing like mindfucking the brains out of cloistered elderly people. besides, it will most likely make you the talk of the town, for better or for worse.
Sam:
LOL. There's always CNY. Aunties abound around CNY
Jay:
Heaven forbid! You wanna cross a perfect man like Hugh with a Neanderthal?!
JL:
I suppose any opportunity's a good opportunity for really dedicated people :P
Paul:
Not another defiler!
Genieqt:
Oh the only criteria to be on a Mak Heboh kepoh's list is that you're single. Don't matter if you look like a gremlin.
And aside from gay mags... just what do you think we'd need?
Pakcik:
I'm not against cute babies. Just as long as they're somebody else's so I can hand them back when they start pooping and crying.
danielhenry:
Yeah I was thinking the same thing. Hehe
William:
Ring the alarm!
-starts throwing self around like a crazy bitch-
Xavier:
Oh that'd be the town aunties some real juice to gossip about!
mARCus:
Maybe next time, just ask them real sweetly if they have any cute sons they can introduce you to. That ought to shut 'em up ;-)
Stephen:
Touche!
confusticated:
LOL. I'm not that keen on being the center of attention. Besides, you think they'd give up. They'll just be more determined to 'save' you...
How come no one actually bothered to intro me one ah? I am also old what....does that mean that I am not even eligible for girls? *cries*
A Neanderthal with a buff bod and a 'monster' dick, according to Dame Judi Dench, who's seen it. And a Dame would never lie.
Anyway, I think he's haaaaawt.
Post a Comment