Azuki

crushed beneath the weight of the pestle
unable to draw breath
you forget the shape of what you were before
and slip...

soft
like the heart
worn to the thin

red
like the blood
drying on a wound

sweet
like the sorrow
that stains my soul

有時候 有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開 都有時候
沒有甚麼會永垂不朽

可是我 有時候
寧願選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

王菲 : 紅豆

Daidai

Again, we have come to the end of the beginning of the Chinese lunar year.

Again, many of us find ourselves with a surplus of mandarin oranges in our homes. Even for one like myself, who only brought a handful of these back with me from my mom's home, plus a couple from the office. I do like these things, though I don't eat too much of them, and one easily gets sick of it over the fifteen days of Chinese New Year. Really, I only get them for their ornamental values.

That, and the prospect of attracting wealth (apparently, oranges, or kam, are symbolic of gold).

Perhaps it is this yearly surplus of tangerines that led some people to come up with a strange idea of disposing them - throw them into the nearest river. Of course, nobody would be bothered to do this, and some may even complain of river pollution, but for the carrot (or rather, orange) dangled.

The fifteenth day of the lunar new year is supposedly the "Chinese Valentine' Day" (maybe he was called Hua Lan Tai in China). Therefore, single girls should throw oranges into the water, hoping to find their perfect match, out of a bevy of prospective suitors standing downriver in the hopes of landing the right orange. I suppose it might work if they wrote down their mobile numbers in waterproof ink onto silk kerchiefs and stuffed said kerchiefs into the poor oranges, so that the guys would know whose orange they've picked.

Personally, I think it's rather silly. The girls managed to throw out the excess oranges from new year, but the guys willingly bring home discarded fruit. This may be one of the rare days when Chinese parents would be thankful for not having sons. At least, not straight ones prone to fishing for rotting mandarins.

I'm thinking it might be a better idea to just throw a party. It is the last day of new year, after all, and all the more reason to have a party. Besides, you're more likely to get lucky with a guy at a party, as opposed to crowding around a very large drain.

And of course, the theme of the party would have to be "Orange". But don't tell your guests that because if they knew they were going to help you finish eating all the oranges in your home, they'll quite likely find themselves suddenly preoccupied with an appointment for washing the neighbour's sixth aunt's colleague's daughter's dog's hair or something.

I'm thinking the meal could be something like that:

Starters: Bacon-wrapped Tangerines
Mains: Mandarin Pork Roast, served with a side of Mandarin Orange Couscous and a Spinach and Pine Nut Salad (just because there's no "orange" in the name does not mean there isn't any in the salad)
Dessert: Mountainous Mandarin Pie
(Disclaimer: I've never tested any of the recipes, so I can't vouch for any of them. But they sure do sound worth trying out - just maybe not all at the same time)

After dinner, you could watch some orange-related shows like Bleach (featuring a really hot-looking Shinigame, despite the orange hair) or for something short, No Doubt's Don't Speak MV (not really auspiscious, but Gwen looks so good with that orange in her hand). You might wanna leave out A Clockwork Orange though - haven't seen that one but I'm guessing it's not exactly festive.

And afterwards, when the party has quieted down and there are still leftover mandarins, well, I'm sure you can think of ways of using them to celebrate a Chinese Valentine's Day with one (or more) of your guests.

Candlelit Dinner For One

Aiyoh, it's Thursday lah. Weekday, you know. Weekday! Tomorrow still got to work one! What for lah go and cram cram with so many other people paying through their noses to go and sit and wait long long time just to eat the same thing as everyone else? So special is it? Just because the newspaper say it's the most romantic day of the year so that means it's very very romantic lah to be spending half a month's pay check for dinner and flowers and chocolates lah.

Maybe I am not so romantic lor.

I rather go home and eat, thank you very much. Home cooked meal, you know. Very warm and touching one. Better to eat food made by your own loving hands. But not right after your hands have been busy loving loving and touching touching lah, unless you have already thoroughly cleaned your hands with soap and disinfectant first lah, hor.

So yah lah, I go home, cook instant noodles. But some more I take time to cook some cabbage also... last week go back home for Chinese New Year, mummy already pesan must eat more vegetables mah. And some more got one can of tuna. And then some fried vegetarian frozen flour thing... because, kawan-kawan semua, carcogenic carbs are an important food group. Yah, yah, I cook like Inoue Orihime.

Then hor, I see my place so messy, I also cannot tahan lor. So I turn off the lights, mou ngan tai, you know - no eye see. Konon can also cut down my carbon footprint some more, siul. But then hor, because today supposed to be most romantic day of the year hor, so I light some candles lor (I hope the perfume will halau all the mosquitoes also).

Ah see? Romantic, what. Nice, what. Had lovely dinner, what.

Oh yeah, still haven't opened that lychee liquor I had bought in Langkawi, leh. I think it's time to try it out, see what kind of weird drink I can concoct with it. Alcohol... should be good together with fireworks, hor?

After that, I can go to bed and love myself some more.

Happy Valentine's day, kawan-kawan semua!


Perhaps it's just another night, just like any other night.

But tonight, the soft, warm glow of candlelight permeates the room. No busy restaurants and soppy love songs on the radio for me. Just a simple dinner of tuna pasta with sauteed cabbages, a treat in itself compared to the daily rounds of packed dinners.

The world may be celebrating couplehood by way of commercialism, but there's no need to feel left out, single as I am. It's a good time as any to tune the world out, and take a little time to remember to love myself. But do leave that Whitney song out.

The fireworks have started, crackling through the midnight sky. A cocktail, perhaps, would make good company now.

Perhaps it's just another night, just like any other night... but it is still Valentine's night, after all.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

nanimo te ni tsuganai
shirokuru no hitomi de
watashi wa tada hitasura
there is nothing I can do for you

ano koro no watashi wa
nani ni kandou shite
nani ni manzoku shite
jibun wo rikai shiteitano

doko ni mo ikanaide
please don't go anywhere

itsuno ma nika, anata wo kizutsukete
omoikakenai koto wo hashitteita
amaeru kiki tsuzukenuita watashi wa
kondo wa nani wo motomeru ka naa

modore ni ikanaide
please don't go anymore.

I can't piece things together
with these eyes of black and white.
I tried my best
there is nothing I can do for you.

the way I used to be...
something touched my heart...
something made me feel content...
did I understand myself?

please don't go anywhere
please don't go anywhere

I never meant to hurt you
I was running from emotions I wasn't ready for
but what am I supposed to do next time
if I don't have you to depend on?

please don't go anymore
please don't go anymore

Chatmonchy : Daidai (Orange)

Farewell, Thou Voluptuous Sow

Gong xi fa cai, wan shi ru yi!
Bu bu gao shen, xin xiang shi chen!

And just like that, it's the Year of the Rat.

With random auspicious sayings out of the way, I have to say it's kind of wistful in a way to see the Year of the Pig already gone. Piggy's been pretty good to me, you see, blessing me with all sorts of... erm... blessings. A new job's that proved to be so much better than the last one (granted, it's quite difficult for any job to be worse than that last one), being able to get new stuff for my apartment, even a sweet affair.

Also, perhaps unfortunately so, I was blessed with a very healthy appetite.

I looked back at some old pics taken just before the last Chinese New Year. There I was, slim enough to fit into a bloody size 30cm jeans! By the end of the 15 days, I could no longer wear that. And for the rest of the year, it only seemed that I could only get fatter.

I suppose it was a combination of things - my energy levels had dropped (perhaps due to aging, but more likely to be from pure inertia), work commitments, clashing schedules, lack of motivation, getting posted to the food capital of the country for several months, and of course, having a PIG for the patron animal of the year.

Oh, I've known what was happening. In case I had forgotten, more recent reminders popped up. Like when I did Body Balance a week or so back, only to discover I could no longer hold the poses as well as I did before. More specifically, I was having trouble supporting my own body weight. Like wtf?

And then there's the time I was in Body Combat (just for a few rounds, I am no longer fit enough to take a whole class these days). Imagine... just jogging on the spot made me think I should get a sports bra.

Sigh, I guess there's only so much body fat one can ignore. I don't make resolutions but I am thinking that perhaps, just perhaps, chubbiness has gone out of fashion, right along with the Year of the Pig. Maybe it's time once again to put my gym membership to good use - and I'm not talking about the steam rooms or the soda fountains. It's said that under the Rat's dominion this year, us Dragons will enjoy what the Chinese call tao hua yun - literally, peach blossom luck (ie. love luck). Still, it would be better if I can help it along and hopefully, point it in the right direction.

After all, I do want to be attracting desirables, rather than oh, say, bitchy aunties who like their boys to be... meatier.

Junk. Food

Yeah, the season of the dong dong dong qiang with the gong xi gong xi draws ever nearer. In fact, it's just around the corner. Spring dosth cometh down to ye mortale realmes. And of course, for many a chinois household, this means it's the weekend for frantic spring cleaning.

For many a household I say, but not for this one.

No, I'm already overwhelmed by the need to sort through piles of junk (literally, PILES) and reorganise my stuff to bother about little details such as changing the curtains (not that I have a spare set lying around... or maybe I do, somewhere in all that junk), cleaning the ceiling fans, and wiping down every window in the apartment. Heck, it looks like I'd have to leave sweeping and mopping the floor till I get back from the homelands, which really is too late but heck, not like there'll be any visitors (and if there are, too bad, I won't be home till some days into the new year).

But yeah, talking about junk. The state of my apartment follows the universal law of nature - where the is space, it will be filled. Ordered chaos (or chaotic order), if you will. So if I don't put anything that's functional or at least decorational there first, some stuff or other will eventually find its way there, and most likely that stuff would be junk.

Digging through my stuff the past week or so, I've found that my junk generally belongs in one of three categories:

1. Stuff that should be thrown away, but I had never gotten round to doing it. Example, old newspapers.

2. Stuff that I had wanted to keep, and keep them I did - in the piles of junk, never to be touced or even seen again. Most of these things were the random stuff I had brought with me when I first moved in, only to pile them all into one room, to be sorted out later (later turned out to be now, which is about... *gulp* two years later).

3. Stuff that I would use from time to time, but wind up getting lost in all that junk, so that I keep buying new ones. Especially stuff like stationery.

Thing is, I had finally bought shelves for the 'store' room, which spurred this sudden need to reorganise and junk stuff. So, on the plus side, I'm finally setting that room to rights, and it's now slowly taking shape as a study/utlity.

Sorting through all that junk that accumulated in all my years of whoring hording though, is tough. I'm the sort who would think, "Yeah, but no, but yeah, but... maybe I would want this one day". Never mind that that one day hasn't appeared in the last several years the thing has been sitting in an ever growing pile of untouched junk. And it's always the small things that add up. Things like old VCD's, old floppy disks (come think of it, I can't read these disks at home anymore), old gifts...

Big things are easier. The old PC (sans hard disk, which had long ago reincarnated into an external HDD) and its monitor, and the old computer table - one of those designed with a recess to hold the monitor at an angle, which is now redundant since I use a laptop. These were things I gladly let go of.

Of course, the remnants of the kampung boy that I was convinced me that with the trouble it would take me to junk the stuff, I could put just a little more effort into it and send it to the scrapyard. You know, being an occasional greenie and all (not to mention the promise of some spare cash to line the ang paos for other people's kids). So I enlisted the muscles of Joshua and we sent the stuff, along with my old newspaper collection, to be sold to the junkieons.

To thank the little bugger for his aid, I bought him lunch at a nice-ish restaurant, called Bumbu Bali, in a place literally called Princess City (ie. Bandar Puteri, over in Puchong). I remember the food there being quite nice. It still was nice, though not excellently so. The prices were rather steep for a place like this but otherwise, it was OK.

I found it most disturbing to see Soup Buntut among the specials. Like, really? ASS SOUP??? EEEW!

The drink I had was pretty good - Banana with Palm Sugar Ice Blend. A little sweet at first, but once the ice melted somewhat, it was better. Joshua had the Cookies and Cream. You wanna know if it's any good, go ask him.

The food was alright as well. We had the BBQ chicken with nasi kuning, and the BBQ fish with nasi ubun (or something or other). And despite the tiny mound of rice, it was immensely filling. I'd give it up a one thumb up only though, cos I felt the food just wasn't quite worth the price.

By the way, the money from the scrapyard didn't even cover lunch expenses, much less make it into red packets for overeager children.

*wipes away the solitary tear running down my cheek

Oh well, at least I managed to clear some major junk from my place. And it even paid for lunch.

...

Almost.